It isn’t the easy road, but it’s the scenic one.

[ June 7th, 2010 ]

And I’m looking towards the green. 
  It’s everywhere.

And I’m finding you in me..
it just makes me scared, being here.

How close I came to death-
how close, and yet how far

For I was yours, really
I would always love your heart.

And I’m looking right below me.
You’re drowning.

And I’m feeling beside me..
for opportunity.

Can I save you now?
Do I have the desire..

Because if I did,
and I didn’t,

then this whole WORLD is on fire.

So we could watch it die,
go down in purple flames..
and I could hold my breath
as you drown within my gaze.

When I laugh they stand beside me
and shake their heads in reproof..

and when I cry
they walk away from me
and when I’m wrong,
they .. or i?.. blame you.
And if I fall in, too..
and we’re drowning there together..
atleast we know that somehow,
our love would last forever.

And if I fall in, too
and we’re drowning there together..
the flames might save our lives.
The fire might kill
disaster.

And I’m not taking this road,

because I’ve been down it before.
There is no adventure to be had,
just reconnecting with a filthy world.

And I’m not taking this road,
because it’s crying out to me in shades of black.

and this isn’t the easy road,
but it’s the scenic one.
-Aun AQui; written: the moment this page loaded.

“OOh, that’s right.  Let’s take a breath, jump over the side..
Ooh, that’s right!  How can you know me if you don’t even try?” -Coldplay. 

I’m so happy with where I am right now!
I am content with discontentment..
I am comfortable with unfamiliarity..
I am at home in a strange place,
and I have found hope in this
heartbreak.

It lasted for so long!
Could every picture really be lying?
And we were so convinced that THEY were wrong..
and did a whole lot of denying.

And I’m asking myself now..
how could my mind have played
such a trick on me,
commit such a robbery,

and not apologize?

And my heart, she was so desperate..
she didn’t think so, but, she missed it.

Because I see right through her glass walls..
and I feel the pain with every heart throb.
She longs, she needs, she wants and she wants
to believe..

Oh, small one –
little heart of mine.
You have to let go..
of the doubts you hold inside.

No on can fix you,
and no one can love you

the way you love
yourself
the way you hate       yourself

is barring. 
 

… -Aun Aqui

I keep trying to type out “normal” entries but I’m finding it difficult, to not.. default to poetry/ prose.  I hope you don’t mind.
Atleast, I think that I hope you don’t mind.  I don’t know; maybe I’m just saying that either to.. close off that thought, or,
to offer some kind of hospitality, generosity.. to show some concern or care for your desires?  Regardless, as I stated in the..
lines above here.. I AM happy.  I have let go of everything and now feel, a deep tranquility and reassurance that: I’m here!  I really am.  I’m  very much with it, keenly aware, of life – it’s trivial bearing, it’s grand purpose, it’s short duration and long term sandprints.  Oh, that the earth were a giant sandbox and each footprint was retained, and each laugh could be captured in a bubble or put into a jar.. preserved for our enjoyment, an immortal treasure for our curiousity.  Only death can silence this voice.. the Lord, has delievered me from human bondage and captivity!  oh, for love and affection, for interest and time, I gave so much of my self away.. and now, I don’t NEED to.  I don’t, need to.  I am “being.” I am “free.”  I am “living” and if you love me, you will and if you don’t, you wont.. and I, can love you still – regardless of how you choose to operate and proportion YOUR heart.

Because you know, you’re going to give it all away.
Either to yourself, or to the world surrounding you-

faces and mouths, ears and objects.. trees and balls, papers and places.

Because you know, there’s no way to save..
the heart isn’t money; it’s a void filled with whatever it can find,
and if you dont choose,
it will choose for you.

I am choosing now. 
I will lead this heart; I will make her decisions and I will protect her.

Well.  🙂  I must be going. 
-Aun Aqui

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